Roses Are Red, Marriage Is Meh

Ah, Valentine's Day! The annual celebration of overpriced roses, waxy chocolates and greeting cards with cheesy declarations of eternal love. A day that reminds us that society still holds romantic love and marriage on a pedestal—and you are still single. Or if you’re married…well, you might be more excited about cuddling up with a good bottle of Cabernet than with your “better” half.

Now, don't get me wrong—I'm not anti-love. But since I've been through three failed marriages and enough lackluster relationships to fill a reality dating show, I feel compelled to ask: Is marriage really the holy grail of happiness?

We’re told marriage is the ultimate life goal, a ticket to belonging and validation. Mental health professionals say humans crave love and connection—fair enough. We're social creatures who are wired to seek companionship and avoid dying alone with just our cats for company (no shade to cats). Add in centuries of cultural conditioning, religious expectations, and Hallmark movies, and it’s no wonder we’re still striving for the brass ring of marital bliss.  

Here's a reality check: studies show we’re not exactly thriving within our marriages. Notable psychologists believe only 30% of marriages qualify as "healthy and happy." Others claim that as few as 17% of couples are genuinely content. That leaves many of us pondering whether death is the more appealing option in “til death do us part.”

And yet, society clings to the fairy tale of marriage. Why? 

I think it’s because deep down, we all want to be loved unconditionally. We want to feel comfortable and safe with a long-term partner that will be there for us through thick and thin. We want intimacy, not just physical, but the kind that comes from a true soul connection. Unfortunately, few marriages deliver on the promises made in our wedding vows.

For me, marriage was a bust—all three times. Romantic love fizzled, expectations clashed, and I found myself chasing a fairy tale that wasn’t mine. I kept trying to find the kind of love my mother gave me growing up.   She believed in me and helped me achieve my dreams. She saw the real me and loved me despite my faults. She never deceived or tried to control me.  I wish I could say the same for my ex-husbands. Finally, I stopped chasing the impossible fantasy and started living my own love story. My true love arrived when I gave birth to my daughter and later my son.  

No matter what form it comes in, we all just need someone who sees us, accepts us as we are, and gives freely with an unselfish and open heart. If that’s the yardstick by which we’re going to measure love, then my bet is on the love between mother and child. My children have brought me immeasurable joy and contentment. Their love has motivated me to be the best version of myself. My children give me a sense of purpose and have shown me love that is deep and eternal—something that marriage never did.  

This Valentine’s Day, I’ll skip the chocolates and flowers. Instead, I’ll be snuggling with my kids, cooking their favorite dinner, and celebrating the kind of love that never fades. Because unlike marriage, a mother’s love isn’t just “meh,” it’s the ultimate happily-ever-after.

If single motherhood sounds better to you than kissing another frog and hoping it will turn into a prince, then read the free Introduction to my book “Mission: Motherhood, Writing a New Fairy Tale of Love and Family.” Available on May 6, 2025.